My WordPress Blog
According to the US Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they are 18, and 44% of rape victims are under age 18. Sadly, but not surprisingly, victims of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, […]
According to the US Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they are 18, and 44% of rape victims are under age 18. Sadly, but not surprisingly, victims of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and four times more likely to contemplate suicide according to the Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN).
Recognizing the real threat of sexual abuse against children is only half the battle. Talking to children about it is necessary to keep them safe. Unfortunately, many parents, particularly those of little children, have a hard time speaking to their kids about sexual abuse.
Here are some of the top reasons parents don’t discuss sexual abuse with their children:
Wrong. Child sexual abuse happens everywhere, from big cities to small farming communities and everywhere in between. No matter your location, religion, race, or yearly income, your life can be affected by it.
Sadly, 93% of all child sexual abuse happens at the hands of someone the child knows and trusts. Parents who teach only stranger danger are doing a disservice to their child.
You may be surprised to learn that the appropriate age to begin discussing the topic of child sexual abuse prevention is when a child is three years old. You can teach your young child about appropriate and inappropriate touch by saying something like, “Did you know that the parts of your body covered by your bathing suit are private and are for no-one else to see or touch?” Be sure to include any exceptions to this rule for potty training, hygiene and doctors’ visits. Also, explain that if someone does give them the “bad kind of touch,” that they are to tell Mommy or Daddy or their teacher.
You most likely don’t refrain from teaching your child about traffic safety for fear that your child will be scared to cross the street. Teaching body safety is equally important and, if done properly, can empower children.
Most children don’t immediately tell their parents. Typically, the perpetrator convinces them that the act is “their little secret” or that their parents will be angry with them. Be sure to tell your children that you would never ever be angry at them and they should come to you immediately if they ever became a victim of sexual abuse.
Children who have been the victim of sexual assault will require love and support. Parents of victims should consider seeking the guidance of a trained therapist who can help the child communicate facts and handle feelings.
If you or someone you know is a parent of a child who has been sexually abused and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Parenting in the Age of Eating Disorders Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations. Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. […]
Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations.
Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. It is estimated that roughly 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Though the average age of onset is 14, girls as young as 8 suffer from eating disorders.
It is important to mention that young men and boys also suffer from eating disorders. It is a common misconception that these issues only affect girls, and that tends to inhibit boys from seeking treatment.
It’s hard to pinpoint one single event that triggers an eating disorder. Usually, it is a combination of factors that can include genetics, peer pressure, trauma, media influence, and life transitions.
Young people may display a variety of warning signs but the most common is developing an obsession with how they look. Boys and girls may suddenly display an extreme preoccupation with food, carefully counting calories, carbohydrates, and fat grams.
While your child will be heavily influenced by numerous outside factors, you can play an important role in preventing the development of an eating disorder. To start, throughout their life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment. It’s common in our culture to reward our kids with ice cream or punish them by sending them to their room before they’ve finished dinner. This must stop because it instills in them the very idea that food is something other than nourishment.
It’s also important to walk the walk. This means preparing healthy and balanced meals in the home. Exercise should be done to stay healthy and to have fun (biking, kayaking) not because you are trying to lose weight.
Even if your doctor has told you you must lose weight for your health, choose your words carefully. “I am getting up early and walking before work to be healthier.”
Mothers, in particular, must recognize how their behavior and actions with food and body image impact their daughters. A mother who herself is obsessed with being “skinny” and counting calories will encourage these behaviors in her own daughter.
With both young girls and boys, the parental focus should be put on the child’s efforts and achievements, not on their looks, beauty, muscles, etc. And, most importantly, all children must be encouraged to focus their attention on specific qualities such as kindness, compassion, or generosity.
If you know a child who may be suffering from an eating disorder and would like to explore treatment options. Please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
According to the American Psychological Association about 40-50% of first time marriages in the United States end in divorce, with the divorce rate increasing in subsequent marriages. With divorce rates so high, it is likely that you or someone you know has been impacted by a divorce. Divorces can get messy when it involves just adults, but it can […]
According to the American Psychological Association about 40-50% of first time marriages in the United States end in divorce, with the divorce rate increasing in subsequent marriages. With divorce rates so high, it is likely that you or someone you know has been impacted by a divorce. Divorces can get messy when it involves just adults, but it can get even more confusing when kids and teens are involved. Not only are you managing your own feelings, you now have the reality that your adult decision is now inevitably going to impact your child’s life in some way. Each divorce and family is unique and so of course needs will vary, but here are three simple and basic principles from Krista Smith’s divorce for teens group curriculum, “The Big D“, that I love and teach all the families I work with. Here are three basic things to avoid during a divorce involving children:
1. Do not use your child as a messenger.
Ex: “Tell your mom/dad…”
2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.
Ex: “Tell me about your mom/dad’s new house, friend etc.”
3. Do not us your child as a dumping station.
Ex: “If you only knew what your mom/dad did to me…”
1. Do not use your child as a messenger.
I know, you probably do not want to talk to your ex-spouse if at all possible. There were probably communication issues that lead to the divorce in the first place, right? So, it can be tempting to use your child to buffer the fact that you still have life decisions to make together. Don’t do it. Remind your child that divorce is an adult problem and requires adult solutions. Making your a child a messenger can really make them feel responsible for the information and discussions that should not involve them. Even if the information does involve them, it can be comforting to a child to know that you are your ex-spouse are on the same page. This can also help curtail any triangulation (but MOM said I could… ) that your child may be doing. This change may take some practice if you’ve already used your child as a messenger. Next time a situation comes up tell your child, “I will talk with Dad about that.”
2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.
It is tempting to ask your child about your ex-spouse, especially if he or she is not very open with you. But again, remember that asking your child about information regarding the life and choices of your ex-spouse can really create a lot of stress for your little one. It is not a good idea to ask a lot of specific questions. If you are dying for information, you can ask open ended questions like “What did you do this weekend with your mom?” Rather than, “Was Bryan with her this weekend?” Your children pick up on a lot more subtext than we give them credit. They may not know why it doesn’t feel right, but trust me, they can tell that there’s something else behind all your specific questions. So remember, don’t try to get the inside scoop on finances, “new friends”, schedules, jobs, plans etc. from the child. As an adult in this situation you need to speak directly to the other adult about this information, not your kiddo.
3. Do not use your child as a dumping station.
Your child is not supposed to be your main source of support, best friend, or primary confidant. It’s tempting to begin asking your child to side with you, but it does put them at a major disadvantage in experiencing positive feelings about the other parent. Your child should be able to experience love for both parents as he or she feels comfortable; don’t get in the way of this development (even if you think your spouse is a snake!). Chances are, if you refuse to speak ill of your ex-spouse your child will be able to sort out the let downs on their own. But let your child come to these realizations. Your main function is unbiased support for your child not necessarily your ex-spouse, so don’t taint the support with confusing messages.
Remember, your child CAN remain happy and well adjusted after a divorce.
These sorts of things can increase the child’s feelings of responsibility OR make the child feel as though a choice must be made between the parents. Remember, it is not the divorce that creates life difficulties for the child in and of itself. It is the way the divorce is handled that can cause long-term negative impacts. It is possible for you and your family to undergo these transitions without severe negative impacts on your children’s emotional health.
If you or someone you know has kids and teens in need of support during a parents divorce we are here to help. If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.
About the Author
Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.