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Parenting in the Age of Eating Disorders Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations. Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. […]
Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations.
Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. It is estimated that roughly 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Though the average age of onset is 14, girls as young as 8 suffer from eating disorders.
It is important to mention that young men and boys also suffer from eating disorders. It is a common misconception that these issues only affect girls, and that tends to inhibit boys from seeking treatment.
It’s hard to pinpoint one single event that triggers an eating disorder. Usually, it is a combination of factors that can include genetics, peer pressure, trauma, media influence, and life transitions.
Young people may display a variety of warning signs but the most common is developing an obsession with how they look. Boys and girls may suddenly display an extreme preoccupation with food, carefully counting calories, carbohydrates, and fat grams.
While your child will be heavily influenced by numerous outside factors, you can play an important role in preventing the development of an eating disorder. To start, throughout their life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment. It’s common in our culture to reward our kids with ice cream or punish them by sending them to their room before they’ve finished dinner. This must stop because it instills in them the very idea that food is something other than nourishment.
It’s also important to walk the walk. This means preparing healthy and balanced meals in the home. Exercise should be done to stay healthy and to have fun (biking, kayaking) not because you are trying to lose weight.
Even if your doctor has told you you must lose weight for your health, choose your words carefully. “I am getting up early and walking before work to be healthier.”
Mothers, in particular, must recognize how their behavior and actions with food and body image impact their daughters. A mother who herself is obsessed with being “skinny” and counting calories will encourage these behaviors in her own daughter.
With both young girls and boys, the parental focus should be put on the child’s efforts and achievements, not on their looks, beauty, muscles, etc. And, most importantly, all children must be encouraged to focus their attention on specific qualities such as kindness, compassion, or generosity.
If you know a child who may be suffering from an eating disorder and would like to explore treatment options. Please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
According to the American Psychological Association about 40-50% of first time marriages in the United States end in divorce, with the divorce rate increasing in subsequent marriages. With divorce rates so high, it is likely that you or someone you know has been impacted by a divorce. Divorces can get messy when it involves just adults, but it can […]
According to the American Psychological Association about 40-50% of first time marriages in the United States end in divorce, with the divorce rate increasing in subsequent marriages. With divorce rates so high, it is likely that you or someone you know has been impacted by a divorce. Divorces can get messy when it involves just adults, but it can get even more confusing when kids and teens are involved. Not only are you managing your own feelings, you now have the reality that your adult decision is now inevitably going to impact your child’s life in some way. Each divorce and family is unique and so of course needs will vary, but here are three simple and basic principles from Krista Smith’s divorce for teens group curriculum, “The Big D“, that I love and teach all the families I work with. Here are three basic things to avoid during a divorce involving children:
1. Do not use your child as a messenger.
Ex: “Tell your mom/dad…”
2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.
Ex: “Tell me about your mom/dad’s new house, friend etc.”
3. Do not us your child as a dumping station.
Ex: “If you only knew what your mom/dad did to me…”
1. Do not use your child as a messenger.
I know, you probably do not want to talk to your ex-spouse if at all possible. There were probably communication issues that lead to the divorce in the first place, right? So, it can be tempting to use your child to buffer the fact that you still have life decisions to make together. Don’t do it. Remind your child that divorce is an adult problem and requires adult solutions. Making your a child a messenger can really make them feel responsible for the information and discussions that should not involve them. Even if the information does involve them, it can be comforting to a child to know that you are your ex-spouse are on the same page. This can also help curtail any triangulation (but MOM said I could… ) that your child may be doing. This change may take some practice if you’ve already used your child as a messenger. Next time a situation comes up tell your child, “I will talk with Dad about that.”
2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.
It is tempting to ask your child about your ex-spouse, especially if he or she is not very open with you. But again, remember that asking your child about information regarding the life and choices of your ex-spouse can really create a lot of stress for your little one. It is not a good idea to ask a lot of specific questions. If you are dying for information, you can ask open ended questions like “What did you do this weekend with your mom?” Rather than, “Was Bryan with her this weekend?” Your children pick up on a lot more subtext than we give them credit. They may not know why it doesn’t feel right, but trust me, they can tell that there’s something else behind all your specific questions. So remember, don’t try to get the inside scoop on finances, “new friends”, schedules, jobs, plans etc. from the child. As an adult in this situation you need to speak directly to the other adult about this information, not your kiddo.
3. Do not use your child as a dumping station.
Your child is not supposed to be your main source of support, best friend, or primary confidant. It’s tempting to begin asking your child to side with you, but it does put them at a major disadvantage in experiencing positive feelings about the other parent. Your child should be able to experience love for both parents as he or she feels comfortable; don’t get in the way of this development (even if you think your spouse is a snake!). Chances are, if you refuse to speak ill of your ex-spouse your child will be able to sort out the let downs on their own. But let your child come to these realizations. Your main function is unbiased support for your child not necessarily your ex-spouse, so don’t taint the support with confusing messages.
Remember, your child CAN remain happy and well adjusted after a divorce.
These sorts of things can increase the child’s feelings of responsibility OR make the child feel as though a choice must be made between the parents. Remember, it is not the divorce that creates life difficulties for the child in and of itself. It is the way the divorce is handled that can cause long-term negative impacts. It is possible for you and your family to undergo these transitions without severe negative impacts on your children’s emotional health.
If you or someone you know has kids and teens in need of support during a parents divorce we are here to help. If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.
About the Author
Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.
One in three girls… and one in six boys… will be sexually abused before they are eighteen. I live in a well- established Orlando neighborhood; 717 registered sex offenders – many of them predators – live within five miles from my home. I scrolled through page after page of the 717 offenders, looking at the faces and asking myself “would I […]
One in three girls… and one in six boys… will be sexually abused before they are eighteen. I live in a well- established Orlando neighborhood; 717 registered sex offenders – many of them predators – live within five miles from my home. I scrolled through page after page of the 717 offenders, looking at the faces and asking myself “would I have thought that person was a sexual offender?” Of course, some of the faces looked like someone I would be leery of, but many of them would have fooled me based on looks alone. Some of the faces looked like nice young guys, some looked like businessmen and a few looked like the women I have spoken to in line at a grocery store. The point is, you can’t tell who is out to sexually abuse the children in your church just by looking at them or talking to them. The sexual abuser may look like a nicely wrapped gift from God to help in your children or youth ministry…but in reality, he is a Trojan horse sent from the enemy. The good news is churches and other youth organizations can do something to protect the children in their care! A 5 Step Screening Program can help protect your organization.
1. Six Month Rule
Require all employees and volunteers to attend regularly for at least six months in order to apply for positions that have access to minors. A predator will not want to stick around a church for an extended period of time waiting to get access to children, especially when he can go elsewhere and have almost immediate access. Do not give volunteers who are new and unknown immediate access to children.
2. Written Application
Requiring a written application for church volunteers serves the same role as it does for paid employees. The goal is to document the selection process and to be able to demonstrate that the church met the test of reasonable care. A church can be just as liable for the negligent selection of a volunteer as it can be for a paid employee.
3. Background Check
A criminal records check and Florida Department of Law. Enforcement Sexual Predator check should be REQUIRED for all volunteers who will have access to minors. Obtain a signed Consent to Background Check from the applicant first. Background checks should also be obtained for individuals who have unsupervised access to children and youth.
4. Reference Check
The volunteer should list two or more other church members as references, plus any other references that may be available from other forms of service. It is not sufficient to list only parents of children with whom the prospective volunteer may work. Predators may work at grooming the parents of potential victims. The reference list should also include other adults. These people should be contacted for input concerning the volunteer’s qualifications for working with children or youth.
5. Personal Interview
This is the last opportunity for you to find the wolf in sheep’s clothing! Only 15% of sexual offenders are arrested so the other 85% won’t have a criminal record. Dig deep to find out the person’s real motivation to work with children and as much as you can about their background.
Start protecting the children, the workers and your ministry today by implementing a 5 Step Screening Process. Closson Insurance Agency, has over sixty years experience insuring churches and schools. We’ve developed a complete program to help you protect the children in your care – a procedure manual, a training workbook, a training workshop and announcement flyers.
About the Author
Lenise Zika is the owner of Closson Insurance Agency and has over 30 years experience as a property and casualty insurance agent. The wealth of knowledge of the agency staff lead to the agency brand: Knowledge and Experience – It Matters. Recognizing the increase of sexual abuse of children within churches and schools, Closson Insurance Agency wrote a comprehensive, step-by-step Child Protection Procedure Manual and training program for churches. The agency team is passionate about protecting kids from sexual abuse. They give back to the community by conducting CHILD PROTECTION WORKSHOPS to teach churches, schools and youth organizations how to protect kids.