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You are at work and it is time to give the presentation you have been working on all month. You are a few hours before presenting but suddenly your head is attacked with negative thoughts. These thoughts are brutal as they question your credentials, your capabilities, and even your right to present. Inside, you feel […]
You are at work and it is time to give the presentation you have been working on all month. You are a few hours before presenting but suddenly your head is attacked with negative thoughts. These thoughts are brutal as they question your credentials, your capabilities, and even your right to present. Inside, you feel yourself begin to shrink as you start to believe all of your leadership and work peers have been duped the whole time. They believe you are the person for the job based on all of your milestones thus far when deep down, you do not know how long you will be able to continue to “fake the part.”
The scenario you just read is an example of what the term “imposter syndrome” can feel like. According to Harvard Business Review, this phenomenon is defined “as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.” The difficult aspect of imposter syndrome is that no matter how many things a person has accomplished, they still feel as though they are fraudulent and do not represent the real version of themselves. Research has linked the theory to parental attachment issues, whereas labels parents placed on a person as a child about their capabilities subsequently represent how they show up as an adult.
If you have gone through this experience, you are not alone as up to 82% of people report the presence of imposter syndrome. While it can feel like an overwhelming obstacle to face as it can lead to anxiety, shame, depression, and a lack of self-confidence, there is hope.
Here are four ways to overcome your imposter syndrome so that you can live a peaceful and empowered life:
1. Name the Voice
Imposter syndrome can be sneaky as it slowly disrupts the heart and mind over time. There are instances where you may not even know imposter syndrome is in action as it can cause you to hold back from advancing your career or taking risks towards your dreams. Go ahead and give the imposter voice in your head a name. Does it sound creepy? Is it loud? Is it an inauthentic, gentle voice manipulating your mind? In order to combat imposter syndrome, you have to acknowledge when it is speaking. Once you name the voice, you are lightyears ahead in taking control of it.
2. Create a Success Jar
While imposter syndrome typically focuses on what you do not deserve and how much you are not capable of, you have the power to delete the belief system. Our thoughts and feelings are not always fact. Sometimes what happens in our minds is truly not what has happened in the real world. Take time to ask friends and family about events and situations where you have done something positive, successful, or impactful. For example, you may ask your parents to describe what they remember about your college graduation in detail. Write down these descriptions and experiences along with your own and add them to the jar. Anytime you hear “the voice,” this should prompt you to pull a story from the jar. With real stories and descriptions of your success shared from various trusted sources, you can rebuke the inaccuracies of your negative thoughts.
3. Dig Back to Your Childhood
Think about situations growing up that may have caused you to feel shame, depression, or incapable. Maybe this is something negative a parent, a friend, another loved one, or even an enemy told you. These experiences may be the roots of your imposter syndrome and you must make peace with them in order to move forward. This does not mean the person was right at all, but it is about accepting the experience for what it was at the time and reminding yourself of how you are no longer the same person. Using a growth mindset, you must realize that you have developed and changed since that time, therefore your capabilities have grown immensely too. Staying in the mind state of the child who was called “stupid” is only detrimental to your future success and it certainly does not define the person you are today (though you were never stupid back then either).
4. Know Your Values
Values serve as our North Stars in our lives as they keep us on track, even when we begin to feel lost. When you can identify what is important to you, you will be able to find peace in upholding your values, despite the outcomes in the world. If you value creativity, then when you complete a project and start to feel like an imposter, it is crucial that you reroute back to how you upheld your value of creativity throughout the project. You were true to yourself by keeping this value at the forefront and this is far from what an actual imposter would do. Therefore, you are successful by honoring what you believe in, which is a big step in self-acceptance and love, eventually knocking the case for “being an imposter” out of your life.
You are much more powerful than you think and overcoming imposter syndrome is a journey that requires consistency and commitment. Trust yourself and your process even if you fall from time to time. Most importantly, remember recovery is always possible when you believe you can recover.
Anxiety is something I handle with clients on a regular basis. It can be something I handle as an issue of its own or something that can be a symptom of another problem in a person’s life. The bottom line is that anxiety can really rob a person of daily peace. Sometimes I call a […]
Anxiety is something I handle with clients on a regular basis. It can be something I handle as an issue of its own or something that can be a symptom of another problem in a person’s life. The bottom line is that anxiety can really rob a person of daily peace. Sometimes I call a symptom of anxiety “bully thoughts” which is when there can be excessive worry about what could go wrong, extreme needs for perfection, and unrealistic catastrophizing (believing that the worst is going to happen) etc. So, what do you do about it?
Well, there can be a lot of unique solutions but one technique to help manage your excessive worry is what I call the worry box. This is something you can try if you feel like you need a technique to help you:
Allow yourself to worry on purpose for 15 minutes each day
Set a specific time and use a timer
Worry about anything and everything!
Tell yourself during that time all things go…
Rehearse the worst case scenarios.
This is a time when you can allow yourself to purposefully think about the worst possible case scenarios in your mind
Let your thoughts run wild!
Get creative in your processing.
You can journal, pace or just think but worry on purpose. Some people like to draw the worst case scenarios.
Use this space as a sort of BOX for your worry!
This can be a buffer during the day. Remind yourself will have time to worry about everything tonight, in an hour, in the morning etc.
Believe it or not this works for many clients! It can be a helpful way to help manage this issue rather than the issue managing you. You can have control over your thoughts. You don’t have to live with your anxiety forever. Whether there are solutions through medications to cure chemical imbalances or relaxation techniques to help you manage stress healing is possible.
If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.
About the Author
Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.
What is chronic hair pulling all about? Believe it or not, there’s a name for chronic hair pulling! According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) it is called “Trichotillomania”. It is a chronic hair pulling condition that leaves a person with significant hair loss or baldness in the area of pulling. […]
Believe it or not, there’s a name for chronic hair pulling! According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) it is called “Trichotillomania”. It is a chronic hair pulling condition that leaves a person with significant hair loss or baldness in the area of pulling. Everyone pulls some hair sometimes, but those with Trichotillomania most likely know the hair pulling is “different”. Areas most commonly affected by hair pulling are eyebrows, eyelashes, scalp, arms, and legs. Less common, but possible are underarms (armpits), facial, pubic and peri-rectal areas. If you or someone you know may be suffering from hair pulling this review of the DSM 5 diagnosis of Trichotillomania may help.
In order to quality for the diagnosis of Trichotillomania, the following criteria must be met:
Hair is being pulled and is result in hair loss
Attempts to quit or decrease unwanted behavior have failed
The hair loss must affect a person’s life in a significant way causing distress or impairment in social circles, work/employment, or other import at areas of function
Hair pulling is not caused by any other medical condition like a skin condition etc.
Hair pulling isn’t due to another mental disorder (like Body Dysmorphic Disorder)
Although the cause of the the disorder is not currently known, it is listed in the Obsessive and Compulsive disorders in the DSM. Typical onset is from age 11-13 years of age and can be a lifelong condition. (Mayo). Hair pulling can happen either as an automatic (involuntarily) or as a focused (conscious) coping skill.
* Important Note: If you read over this criteria and believe that you or a loved one is suffering from chronic hair pulling, Trichotillomania, it is important that you meet with a trained professional who can provide an official diagnosis and help you with appropriate treatment.
Most of the time hair pulling is associated with either anxiety or boredom. Other emotions that may come with hair pulling include tension (urges) or extreme desire for control just before the hair pulling. After the hair is pulled a person may feel pleasure, relief, and gratification.
There can also be a lot of shame associated with this disorder and it is not uncommon for Individuals to try to hide the hair loss in some way or make significant attempts to hide the hair loss. Hair pulling can cause a person to feel out of control, embarrassed and so the distress or impairment requirement (diagnostic Criterion C) is met with this aspect of the disorder. Sometimes a person will even deny the hair pulling to others.
Some hair pulling can be accompanied by certain types of preparation behaviors or preferences. This could include picking certain types of hair like only a certain color or texture. It could be pulling the hair out in a specific way perhaps twisting it out or pulling it out with the root. Other behaviors may happen after the hair has been pulled. This could be twisting the hair between fingers, twirling hair around fingers, putting the hair in between teeth, eating the hair, or biting it into pieces. These are just some of the examples included in the DSM 5 and you, or someone you know, may have others unique rituals.
During times of hair pulling there may be various types of behaviors. Trichotillomania is characterized as an obsessive (recurrent thoughts) and compulsive (recurrent behaviors) disorder that affects 1-2% of adults and adolescents. The behavior can really take on two faces:
Focused – a conscious pulling of the hair
Hair pulling happens in response to tensions, urges, and desires the person is aware of at the time.
Automatic – unconscious pulling of the hair.
Hair pulling happens without awareness and it may be hard to track when it’s happening.
Many times people state they have mixed behavior types but one may be a more dominant style.
Check it out: ABC News about Trichotillomania
Trichotillomania may have consequences such as:
Carpal tunnel or back, neck and shoulder pain (from pulling at strange angles)
Stomach pain, nausea, and vomiting from swallowing hair
Dental damage from chewing hair
Social or emotional distress
Hair pulling can be accompanied by other body-focused repetitive behaviors like (but not limited to): skin picking, nail biting, and lip chewing.
More females suffer than males in a ratio of 10:1
Some hair pullers may also enjoy pulling out hair from animals, toys, or fibrous materials like clothes, blankets or carpets.
Typically, hair pulling comes with or just before puberty (ages 11-13)
Genetic components may play a factor; it is more common in those with a first-degree relative that has OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)
Biting hair only doesn’t qualify a person for the diagnosis
Trichotillomania varies greatly in just how long it lasts. It can last from weeks to years at a time. Some start the habit and then stop without any other episodes occurring. Interesting isn’t it?…
Behavioral log
For those who are not so lucky to have it go away quickly, a behavioral log of when the hair pulling happens may be helpful to see patterns of behavior (times, activities, locations etc.). If the hair pulling happens as an automatic behavior, then it may be helpful to have another person help you observe the behavior for your log.
Relaxation Techniques
If your issue is due to anxiety, some relaxation tips may be helpful. Try breathing, meditating for a few minutes a day, or even taking a walk outside (leave the phone at home!). Others may enjoy affirmations around anxiety, or guided imagery. Try some of the affirmations or guided imagery from Belleruth Napterstek or Kaiser Permanente.
Personal Techniques
Try anything YOU may think will work to help with your unwanted behavior. Do you notice the pulling happening when your inside too long? Not doing it when your hair is wet? When your nails are painted? Don’t underestimate the power of a simple change that is unique to your lifestyle!
Treat underlying anxiety
Although there may be a genetic component associated with this body-focused repetitive behavior, other underlying anxiety issues may exacerbate the issue. Meet with a counselor who can help you work through issues with perfectionism, stressful relationships, social issues or anything that may cause your anxiety to worsen and provide you with a safe place to work out some issues. A counselor can also work with you to try different coping skills when you feel the urge (if it’s a focused behavior).
There’s a whole world of support for those who are struggling with Trichotillomania. As a matter of fact the community has coined a term form themselves, “Trichs” (sounds like tricks)! There is a documentary called, Trichsters by Jillian Corsie that shares the struggles and stories of a few Trich survivors. There are a number of support groups online and locally. Try finding a local group for Trichotillomania or obsessive-compulsive recovery atPsychologytoday.com. Groups in person are ideal but online groups may also be helpful.DailyStregnth.org provides one of many online discussion and support groups. It’s important you find a group of people that you feel understand your isolating, and sometimes secret, issue. Even though you may feel like no one understands there are people out there who do. Connect with them, share your story to encourage others, and allow others to encourage which while you each work through the pulling.
Trichotillomania is not who you are….
Trichotillomania sufferers are people you may know! Just as with any diagnosis it is just one aspect of a person and should not be the person’s identity. I hope that those who have read the article and identify with it understand they are not alone! There is a community of people who also have the same issues.
If you believe you, or someone you love, has Trichotillomania it is important to receive help from a trained professional. He or she can help you rule out any other diagnosis and provide appropriate treatment.
We would love to work with you! If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.
Additional Helpful Resources
Mayo Clinic Article on Trichotillomania
Trichster.com – Trichsters documentary
TrichJournal – YouTube channel
About the Author
Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.