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You are at work and it is time to give the presentation you have been working on all month. You are a few hours before presenting but suddenly your head is attacked with negative thoughts. These thoughts are brutal as they question your credentials, your capabilities, and even your right to present. Inside, you feel […]
You are at work and it is time to give the presentation you have been working on all month. You are a few hours before presenting but suddenly your head is attacked with negative thoughts. These thoughts are brutal as they question your credentials, your capabilities, and even your right to present. Inside, you feel yourself begin to shrink as you start to believe all of your leadership and work peers have been duped the whole time. They believe you are the person for the job based on all of your milestones thus far when deep down, you do not know how long you will be able to continue to “fake the part.”
The scenario you just read is an example of what the term “imposter syndrome” can feel like. According to Harvard Business Review, this phenomenon is defined “as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.” The difficult aspect of imposter syndrome is that no matter how many things a person has accomplished, they still feel as though they are fraudulent and do not represent the real version of themselves. Research has linked the theory to parental attachment issues, whereas labels parents placed on a person as a child about their capabilities subsequently represent how they show up as an adult.
If you have gone through this experience, you are not alone as up to 82% of people report the presence of imposter syndrome. While it can feel like an overwhelming obstacle to face as it can lead to anxiety, shame, depression, and a lack of self-confidence, there is hope.
Here are four ways to overcome your imposter syndrome so that you can live a peaceful and empowered life:
1. Name the Voice
Imposter syndrome can be sneaky as it slowly disrupts the heart and mind over time. There are instances where you may not even know imposter syndrome is in action as it can cause you to hold back from advancing your career or taking risks towards your dreams. Go ahead and give the imposter voice in your head a name. Does it sound creepy? Is it loud? Is it an inauthentic, gentle voice manipulating your mind? In order to combat imposter syndrome, you have to acknowledge when it is speaking. Once you name the voice, you are lightyears ahead in taking control of it.
2. Create a Success Jar
While imposter syndrome typically focuses on what you do not deserve and how much you are not capable of, you have the power to delete the belief system. Our thoughts and feelings are not always fact. Sometimes what happens in our minds is truly not what has happened in the real world. Take time to ask friends and family about events and situations where you have done something positive, successful, or impactful. For example, you may ask your parents to describe what they remember about your college graduation in detail. Write down these descriptions and experiences along with your own and add them to the jar. Anytime you hear “the voice,” this should prompt you to pull a story from the jar. With real stories and descriptions of your success shared from various trusted sources, you can rebuke the inaccuracies of your negative thoughts.
3. Dig Back to Your Childhood
Think about situations growing up that may have caused you to feel shame, depression, or incapable. Maybe this is something negative a parent, a friend, another loved one, or even an enemy told you. These experiences may be the roots of your imposter syndrome and you must make peace with them in order to move forward. This does not mean the person was right at all, but it is about accepting the experience for what it was at the time and reminding yourself of how you are no longer the same person. Using a growth mindset, you must realize that you have developed and changed since that time, therefore your capabilities have grown immensely too. Staying in the mind state of the child who was called “stupid” is only detrimental to your future success and it certainly does not define the person you are today (though you were never stupid back then either).
4. Know Your Values
Values serve as our North Stars in our lives as they keep us on track, even when we begin to feel lost. When you can identify what is important to you, you will be able to find peace in upholding your values, despite the outcomes in the world. If you value creativity, then when you complete a project and start to feel like an imposter, it is crucial that you reroute back to how you upheld your value of creativity throughout the project. You were true to yourself by keeping this value at the forefront and this is far from what an actual imposter would do. Therefore, you are successful by honoring what you believe in, which is a big step in self-acceptance and love, eventually knocking the case for “being an imposter” out of your life.
You are much more powerful than you think and overcoming imposter syndrome is a journey that requires consistency and commitment. Trust yourself and your process even if you fall from time to time. Most importantly, remember recovery is always possible when you believe you can recover.
Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel frightening and overwhelming. But there are ways to make starting counseling less intimidating. One of those ways is to make sure you’ve chosen a therapist who will be a good fit for you. Before committing to a regular schedule with a therapist, there are 4 […]
Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel frightening and overwhelming. But there are ways to make starting counseling less intimidating. One of those ways is to make sure you’ve chosen a therapist who will be a good fit for you.
Before committing to a regular schedule with a therapist, there are 4 questions you should know the answers to. These questions can typically be answered in an initial phone or in-person consultation with your potential therapist.
Most therapists specialize in a particular kind of therapy such as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), Gestalt, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Psychodynamic, or Family Systems. Each of these schools of thought will inform how that therapist works; how they personally believe change and growth occur.
For example, Psychodynamic therapists pay special attention to past relationships and behaviors to help understand current crises. EMDR is used to heal the symptoms of trauma.
It’s also important to understand how your therapist will work with you each week. Will you be assigned homework? What will be expected of you? If you’re seeking therapy for a specific problem, inquire how they would approach it.
If it’s important to you to be able to call, email or text your therapist with questions or concerns in-between sessions, ask what their policy is. Some therapists may only allow contact in case of emergency. If this is the case, you’ll want to be sure to ask what constitutes an emergency.
Some therapists may read email messages or listen to voicemails but will not respond, while others will reply or call you back.
Understanding your potential therapists policy for contact between sessions is essential to ensure you are both a good fit for each other.
Once you know what constitutes an emergency, you’ll want to know how they help you handle one. Some therapists will allow you to call them at home or at their office while others will use an answering service that will get a message to them. Still, others may ask you to all a crisis line or go to the hospital.
You wouldn’t hire a hairdresser to fix your leaky faucet, so why hire a therapist who doesn’t have experience treating people with issues similar to yours. Therapists often specialize in specific areas and become experts on that particular treatment. Don’t be afraid to ask this question to ensure you’re getting the best therapist for your needs.
If they don’t specialize in what you’re looking for, ask if they have any references that do. Often, therapists will refer you out anyway, if they feel that a colleague would be a better fit for you.
Finding the right therapist for you may take some time, but the search will be worthwhile.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help and answer any questions you may have.
If you believe the many rom-coms filmed throughout the years, singles are sad, miserable, and lonely people who sit around waiting for someone to come along and “complete them.” Why has this myth been perpetuated to such gargantuan proportions? Did you know that studies have found that single people usually have more active lives than […]
If you believe the many rom-coms filmed throughout the years, singles are sad, miserable, and lonely people who sit around waiting for someone to come along and “complete them.” Why has this myth been perpetuated to such gargantuan proportions?
Did you know that studies have found that single people usually have more active lives than married people? Single people are far more likely to go out, be involved in their communities and have more friends.
Sure, it can be terrific to spend your time with a loving partner, and yes, a frerquent and satisfying sex life ain’t bad either. But life doesn’t stop just because you’re single. You still exist and the world keeps spinning, so you might as well enjoy your life while waiting for the “right one to come along.”
If you’re new to the single life, fear not, you’re about to have the time of your life! Here are some ways you can love your single life.
Travel
Traveling is a great way to help you gain perspective and learn about yourself. If you’ve never traveled alone, it can be very rewarding. Plus, you don’t have to always compromise with another person. You can go where you want to go when you want to go. There is an incredible sense of freedom.
If you’re a single woman, traveling alone can be intimidating and feel a bit unsafe. There are plenty of traveling groups for women that allow you to be with others some of the time for safety, but also have time by yourself.
Focus on Advancing Your Career
You have more ‘you time’ right now, which makes it the perfect time to go back to school and get that degree that will help you advance your career. Many colleges and universities offer online curriculums to help working adults earn their degree. Night classes may also be a possibility and a chance for you to meet like-minded people on the same path as you.
Volunteer
Did you know studies have found that volunteering is good for our health and happiness? Helping others and ourselves at the same time, that’s a definite win/win. Plus, when you spend time in your community, you are able to meet people from all walks of life and expand your social connections.
Workout
Spend some ‘you time’ getting in the best shape of your life. Try a boxing class or yoga, or maybe take a dance class where you can get a great workout but also meet someone you might like to get to know better.
Reconnect
When we’re in relationships we often spend all our time with our significant other and relationships with friends and family take a back seat. Now is the time to reconnect with loved ones.
Living single is nothing to fear or reject. The single life can be one filled with friends, fun and plenty of fulfillment, so enjoy every second!
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even […]
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.
But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues – say, bipolar disorder – is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.
To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:
As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:
There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:
Psychotherapy
Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks. Many therapists have had success using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helping people cope with the symptoms of C-PTSD.
EMDR
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.
Medication
Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.
If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.