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How long has it been since you checked your Facebook page or Twitter account? If you’re like most people, you use social media many times throughout the day. But while you may think social media is fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at […]
How long has it been since you checked your Facebook page or Twitter account? If you’re like most people, you use social media many times throughout the day.
But while you may think social media is fun, studies have suggested that it can take a toll on our emotions. One such study by researchers at the University of Missouri focused on the effects of Facebook on mental health. They discovered that regular use could lead to symptoms of depression if the site triggered feelings of envy in the user.
Professor Margaret Duffy, a co-author of the research, said about the findings, “If it is used as a way to size up one’s own accomplishments against others, it can have a negative effect.”
Other studies have revealed that most people tend to edit photos and only show the ones that make their lives seem more attractive to others.
It is this constant measuring of ourselves against others that causes unimaginable amounts of grief. I see it on an almost-daily basis. Decent people with much to offer feeling unworthy of happiness because they feel inferior to others. They walk into my office with what appears to be the weight of the world on their shoulders.
I have found much of this weight stems from not feeling as “good, smart, pretty, wealthy, or funny” as others.
If you are now wondering whether maybe your happiness has taken a hit from social media use, here are 5 signs it has:
1. You Need Positive Feedback to Feel Good
Let’s face it, we all love feeling appreciated. It feels good to get that positive feedback when you post a photo or event from your life. But if you find you only have good days on the days you are getting that positive feedback online, you may be depending on social media too much.
2. You’re an Instant Gratification Addict
We have become a society of people who seek out instant gratification. While it’s okay to want instant oats and instant movie streaming, having a need to instantly feel worthy and good through social media is very harmful.
If the promise of instant gratification is driving your desire to post or share bits of your life, you may have become too dependent.
3. You’re Reliving the Popularity Contests All Over Again
I find many of my adult clients care just as much about how many Facebook friends and likes they get as my teenage clients do. It’s as if the adults are reliving the high school popularity contests all over again. At the end of the day, are all of those Facebook friends reallyyour friend?
True happiness is having authentic connections with the loved ones in your life. If you’re paying too much attention to how many online friends you have and not enough on whether or not your face-to-face relationships are healthy, you may have a problem.
The next time you find yourself on your social media sites feeling jealous, envious, or somehow less than the people on those pages, remember that people tend to present very biased accounts of their lives. They, like you, want to measure up to the rest of the world.
Know that every human being is essentially struggling to feel worthy of being alive. It’s something we all seem to have in common. Instead of trying to be better than each other, let’s all instead try to have more compassion for each other.
If you or someone you know is having a hard time with self-worth issues and you’d like to speak to someone, please reach out to me. I’d love to discuss how I may be able to help.
The topic of self-care is one that has been discussed openly and often over the past decade. But for many, the concept of self-care is one that is still a bit mysterious, if not downright confusing. What Is Self-Care? First, self-care is a practice and a commitment we make to ourselves. It is any activity […]
The topic of self-care is one that has been discussed openly and often over the past decade. But for many, the concept of self-care is one that is still a bit mysterious, if not downright confusing.
First, self-care is a practice and a commitment we make to ourselves. It is any activity we do deliberately to support our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Not only does the right kind of self-care improve our health and life, but it can also improve the relationships we have with others.
Some examples of self-care might be:
Self-care isn’t always fun or easy, but you do it anyway because you know that the activity is what is BEST for you. In this way, self-care is a bit like acting as your own parent, making sure you do the things you don’t necessarily feel like doing because it is what your mind, body, and spirit need.
Self-care isn’t necessarily about making yourself feel better.
Person A has had a very bad day. They practice proper self-care and, when they get home, they change clothes, go for a 3-mile run, then cook a healthy dinner that refuels their body.
Person B has also had a very bad day and practices phony self-care. On their way home, person B stops at the store and gets a 6-pack of beer and a gallon of ice cream, then spends the entire night on the sofa drinking and eating poorly in an attempt to make the bad day go away.
This phony style of self-care is very immature. It is not parental but something a child does. If the parent insists you eat your veggies because they are good for you, the child will eat only candy bars when the parent isn’t looking.
Self-care is about making decisions based on what is good for you, not what you FEEL like doing at the moment.
Self-care should also not be confused with pampering. While there is nothing wrong with getting massages and pedicures, these again tend to be quick fixes we give ourselves to make ourselves feel better in the moment.
At the end of the day, self-care is a commitment to yourself to live, grow, and evolve in healthy ways. It means making choices that will lead to your best self and greatest potential.
SOURCES:
Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel frightening and overwhelming. But there are ways to make starting counseling less intimidating. One of those ways is to make sure you’ve chosen a therapist who will be a good fit for you. Before committing to a regular schedule with a therapist, there are 4 […]
Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel frightening and overwhelming. But there are ways to make starting counseling less intimidating. One of those ways is to make sure you’ve chosen a therapist who will be a good fit for you.
Before committing to a regular schedule with a therapist, there are 4 questions you should know the answers to. These questions can typically be answered in an initial phone or in-person consultation with your potential therapist.
Most therapists specialize in a particular kind of therapy such as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), Gestalt, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Psychodynamic, or Family Systems. Each of these schools of thought will inform how that therapist works; how they personally believe change and growth occur.
For example, Psychodynamic therapists pay special attention to past relationships and behaviors to help understand current crises. EMDR is used to heal the symptoms of trauma.
It’s also important to understand how your therapist will work with you each week. Will you be assigned homework? What will be expected of you? If you’re seeking therapy for a specific problem, inquire how they would approach it.
If it’s important to you to be able to call, email or text your therapist with questions or concerns in-between sessions, ask what their policy is. Some therapists may only allow contact in case of emergency. If this is the case, you’ll want to be sure to ask what constitutes an emergency.
Some therapists may read email messages or listen to voicemails but will not respond, while others will reply or call you back.
Understanding your potential therapists policy for contact between sessions is essential to ensure you are both a good fit for each other.
Once you know what constitutes an emergency, you’ll want to know how they help you handle one. Some therapists will allow you to call them at home or at their office while others will use an answering service that will get a message to them. Still, others may ask you to all a crisis line or go to the hospital.
You wouldn’t hire a hairdresser to fix your leaky faucet, so why hire a therapist who doesn’t have experience treating people with issues similar to yours. Therapists often specialize in specific areas and become experts on that particular treatment. Don’t be afraid to ask this question to ensure you’re getting the best therapist for your needs.
If they don’t specialize in what you’re looking for, ask if they have any references that do. Often, therapists will refer you out anyway, if they feel that a colleague would be a better fit for you.
Finding the right therapist for you may take some time, but the search will be worthwhile.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help and answer any questions you may have.
If you believe the many rom-coms filmed throughout the years, singles are sad, miserable, and lonely people who sit around waiting for someone to come along and “complete them.” Why has this myth been perpetuated to such gargantuan proportions? Did you know that studies have found that single people usually have more active lives than […]
If you believe the many rom-coms filmed throughout the years, singles are sad, miserable, and lonely people who sit around waiting for someone to come along and “complete them.” Why has this myth been perpetuated to such gargantuan proportions?
Did you know that studies have found that single people usually have more active lives than married people? Single people are far more likely to go out, be involved in their communities and have more friends.
Sure, it can be terrific to spend your time with a loving partner, and yes, a frerquent and satisfying sex life ain’t bad either. But life doesn’t stop just because you’re single. You still exist and the world keeps spinning, so you might as well enjoy your life while waiting for the “right one to come along.”
If you’re new to the single life, fear not, you’re about to have the time of your life! Here are some ways you can love your single life.
Travel
Traveling is a great way to help you gain perspective and learn about yourself. If you’ve never traveled alone, it can be very rewarding. Plus, you don’t have to always compromise with another person. You can go where you want to go when you want to go. There is an incredible sense of freedom.
If you’re a single woman, traveling alone can be intimidating and feel a bit unsafe. There are plenty of traveling groups for women that allow you to be with others some of the time for safety, but also have time by yourself.
Focus on Advancing Your Career
You have more ‘you time’ right now, which makes it the perfect time to go back to school and get that degree that will help you advance your career. Many colleges and universities offer online curriculums to help working adults earn their degree. Night classes may also be a possibility and a chance for you to meet like-minded people on the same path as you.
Volunteer
Did you know studies have found that volunteering is good for our health and happiness? Helping others and ourselves at the same time, that’s a definite win/win. Plus, when you spend time in your community, you are able to meet people from all walks of life and expand your social connections.
Workout
Spend some ‘you time’ getting in the best shape of your life. Try a boxing class or yoga, or maybe take a dance class where you can get a great workout but also meet someone you might like to get to know better.
Reconnect
When we’re in relationships we often spend all our time with our significant other and relationships with friends and family take a back seat. Now is the time to reconnect with loved ones.
Living single is nothing to fear or reject. The single life can be one filled with friends, fun and plenty of fulfillment, so enjoy every second!
According to the US Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they are 18, and 44% of rape victims are under age 18. Sadly, but not surprisingly, victims of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, […]
According to the US Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they are 18, and 44% of rape victims are under age 18. Sadly, but not surprisingly, victims of sexual assault are three times more likely to suffer from depression, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and four times more likely to contemplate suicide according to the Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN).
Recognizing the real threat of sexual abuse against children is only half the battle. Talking to children about it is necessary to keep them safe. Unfortunately, many parents, particularly those of little children, have a hard time speaking to their kids about sexual abuse.
Here are some of the top reasons parents don’t discuss sexual abuse with their children:
Wrong. Child sexual abuse happens everywhere, from big cities to small farming communities and everywhere in between. No matter your location, religion, race, or yearly income, your life can be affected by it.
Sadly, 93% of all child sexual abuse happens at the hands of someone the child knows and trusts. Parents who teach only stranger danger are doing a disservice to their child.
You may be surprised to learn that the appropriate age to begin discussing the topic of child sexual abuse prevention is when a child is three years old. You can teach your young child about appropriate and inappropriate touch by saying something like, “Did you know that the parts of your body covered by your bathing suit are private and are for no-one else to see or touch?” Be sure to include any exceptions to this rule for potty training, hygiene and doctors’ visits. Also, explain that if someone does give them the “bad kind of touch,” that they are to tell Mommy or Daddy or their teacher.
You most likely don’t refrain from teaching your child about traffic safety for fear that your child will be scared to cross the street. Teaching body safety is equally important and, if done properly, can empower children.
Most children don’t immediately tell their parents. Typically, the perpetrator convinces them that the act is “their little secret” or that their parents will be angry with them. Be sure to tell your children that you would never ever be angry at them and they should come to you immediately if they ever became a victim of sexual abuse.
Children who have been the victim of sexual assault will require love and support. Parents of victims should consider seeking the guidance of a trained therapist who can help the child communicate facts and handle feelings.
If you or someone you know is a parent of a child who has been sexually abused and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Traumatic events such as war, rape, and severe accidents can lead people to suffer from symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). What we have recently discovered is that any event that is experienced as threatening can generate PTSD-like symptoms and negatively affect a person’s quality of life. Somatic Experiencing® (SE™) was developed by psychologist Peter A. […]
Traumatic events such as war, rape, and severe accidents can lead people to suffer from symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). What we have recently discovered is that any event that is experienced as threatening can generate PTSD-like symptoms and negatively affect a person’s quality of life.
Somatic Experiencing® (SE™) was developed by psychologist Peter A. Levine to address the effects of trauma. Levine developed this modality after noticing that prey animals, whose lives are constantly under threat in their natural habitat, are able to recover quickly by releasing stressful energy accumulated during the event.
Human beings don’t have this same capability of processing trauma. We tend to override this natural way of regulating our nervous system and instead feel emotions like fear and shame. Somatic Experiencing helps people move past the trauma.
Somatic therapy combines psychotherapy with physical therapies to bring about the holistic – or whole-person – healing. This modality focuses on the mind-body connection and uses talk therapy along with physical therapy techniques to release pent-up tension in the body that is negatively impacting a person’s health and well-being.
Somatic therapy can be very beneficial to people who have suffered trauma or abuse, as well as people who suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, grief, and addiction. This technique can be used in individual and group settings and may prove effective when other traditional forms of treatment have not delivered results.
During a session, a therapist uses talk therapy to help their client revive past memories of traumatic experiences. The client then pays attention to any physical responses. Physical therapy techniques such as deep breathing, relaxation, and meditation are used to help relieve symptoms. Other adjunctive physical techniques that may be used with this therapy include yoga, dance, exercise, or other types of movement and massage.
Somatic therapy can easily be integrated into other counseling practices. You’ll want to begin by looking for a somatic therapist that is licensed and experienced in somatic therapy techniques. In addition to looking for someone with the right skills and background, it’s also important that you find someone you feel comfortable with.
Somatic experiencing is an excellent way of getting rid of what is stuck and holding you back from experiencing joy and peace in your life. If you’d like to explore this treatment approach, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy discussing how I may be able to help.
SOURCES:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201503/somatic-experiencing
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/somatic-therapy
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-why-somatic-experiencing-works/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/somatic-experiencing
On an almost daily basis we hear stories of female sexual harassment and abuse in the media. Sadly, male sexual abuse is fairly common, but the issue is underreported by the media and society in general. One US-based study found that 1 in 6 boys experience some form of sexual abuse by the age of […]
On an almost daily basis we hear stories of female sexual harassment and abuse in the media. Sadly, male sexual abuse is fairly common, but the issue is underreported by the media and society in general.
One US-based study found that 1 in 6 boys experience some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18. Other research suggests the ratio may be as high as 1 in 4.
Why is this conduct not reported more often?
To start, most men are embarrassed to be the victim of sexual abuse, particularly when it is perpetrated by other men. In our culture, men are supposed to be invulnerable and not feel emotional pain. In other words, guys are supposed to be the strong, silent type. It simply goes against the silent rules of being a man to acknowledge trauma and admit that you are suffering.
As a result, male victims of sexual abuse shove their feelings down and deny what happened. This repression of experience and emotion can and often does lead to isolation, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), major depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are also common among victims of male sexual abuse.
It’s important to get help.
If you are the victim of sexual abuse, understand that you are far from alone. As the topic becomes more mainstream, there is less judgement by those who don’t understand how a man could be victimized in such a way. Education regarding male sexual abuse and demystifying misconceptions surrounding rape is essential to help male survivors heal and speak out.
While more needs to be done to bring this subject to mass awareness, it’s important that individual victims seek support. A therapist will be able to help you deal with your complex emotions and offer strategies to move through and past feelings of depression and anxiety. In time, healing can and does occur.
If you or someone you know is a male victim of sexual abuse and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even […]
You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.
Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.
But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues – say, bipolar disorder – is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.
To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:
As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:
There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:
Psychotherapy
Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks. Many therapists have had success using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helping people cope with the symptoms of C-PTSD.
EMDR
EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.
Medication
Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.
If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
Meditation offers practitioners powerful benefits, yet many people are confused as to what exactly those benefits are. In a nutshell, meditation focuses attention in a deliberate manner, taking you from a state of noisy mental chatter to calm and quiet inner peace. And isn’t that something most of us could use? While meditation has been […]
Meditation offers practitioners powerful benefits, yet many people are confused as to what exactly those benefits are. In a nutshell, meditation focuses attention in a deliberate manner, taking you from a state of noisy mental chatter to calm and quiet inner peace. And isn’t that something most of us could use?
While meditation has been practiced for thousands of years in the east and – more recently – west as a way to grow spiritually, modern medicine is now finally extolling the numerous health benefits that meditation offers.
Meditation has the ability to reduce stress hormones by calming the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems. These systems are what activate our main panic responses (“fight,” “flight,” “freeze,” or “friend”) to stressful situations. Because of this, meditation can be a wonderful coping strategy for those suffering with trauma.
Is Meditation Better than Medication
Historically, people battling post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have been given medication to help alleviate unwanted and unpleasant symptoms. But a new study has found that regular practice of meditation enables some active duty service members battling PTSD to reduce, or even eliminate their need of psychotropic medications and to better control their often-debilitating symptoms.
This is great news for service men and women, and anyone who is battling PTSD. Not only can meditation help to calm your nerves and rewire your brain, it can also reduce the risk of developing negative side effects to many psychotropic medications used to treat PTSD and anxiety disorders. Beyond memory loss and erectile dysfunction, one of the biggest side effects of these medications is depression. That’s the last thing a person suffering from PTSD needs.
How to Begin a Meditation Practice
If you are suffering from the effects of trauma and would like to try meditation, here are some steps you can take to get started:
Find a Group Practice
If you’re completely new to meditation, you may want to join a group meditation course that meets every week. You can usually find groups in your local area through online communities such as Meetup.com.
Be Open Minded
Meditation has long been associated with new age movements. But you would be amazed at the different kinds of people that now practice meditation. If you tend to be a skeptical person, try to have an open mind as you begin your practice.
Be Patient
It’s called a practice for a reason. You won’t “get” meditation overnight. You’ll have to keep at it before it becomes natural for you and you really reap the benefits. Try to have patience and just keep at it.
If you or a loved one are suffering from trauma symptoms and would like to speak with someone who can help, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss the treatment options that would work best for you.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201601/meditation-reduces-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-symptoms
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201306/how-does-meditation-reduce-anxiety-neural-level
https://psychcentral.com/news/2018/01/13/transcendental-meditation-shown-to-ease-veterans-ptsd/131167.html
Parenting in the Age of Eating Disorders Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations. Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. […]
Eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia are serious psychiatric illnesses, not unlike anxiety and depression. Individuals who suffer from one of these disorders use food in unhealthy ways to cope with difficult emotions and life situations.
Sadly, eating disorders have now become an epidemic in this country. It is estimated that roughly 11 million women and girls struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Though the average age of onset is 14, girls as young as 8 suffer from eating disorders.
It is important to mention that young men and boys also suffer from eating disorders. It is a common misconception that these issues only affect girls, and that tends to inhibit boys from seeking treatment.
It’s hard to pinpoint one single event that triggers an eating disorder. Usually, it is a combination of factors that can include genetics, peer pressure, trauma, media influence, and life transitions.
Young people may display a variety of warning signs but the most common is developing an obsession with how they look. Boys and girls may suddenly display an extreme preoccupation with food, carefully counting calories, carbohydrates, and fat grams.
While your child will be heavily influenced by numerous outside factors, you can play an important role in preventing the development of an eating disorder. To start, throughout their life, food should never be used as a reward or punishment. It’s common in our culture to reward our kids with ice cream or punish them by sending them to their room before they’ve finished dinner. This must stop because it instills in them the very idea that food is something other than nourishment.
It’s also important to walk the walk. This means preparing healthy and balanced meals in the home. Exercise should be done to stay healthy and to have fun (biking, kayaking) not because you are trying to lose weight.
Even if your doctor has told you you must lose weight for your health, choose your words carefully. “I am getting up early and walking before work to be healthier.”
Mothers, in particular, must recognize how their behavior and actions with food and body image impact their daughters. A mother who herself is obsessed with being “skinny” and counting calories will encourage these behaviors in her own daughter.
With both young girls and boys, the parental focus should be put on the child’s efforts and achievements, not on their looks, beauty, muscles, etc. And, most importantly, all children must be encouraged to focus their attention on specific qualities such as kindness, compassion, or generosity.
If you know a child who may be suffering from an eating disorder and would like to explore treatment options. Please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.