Do you have to work from home now?

If you do, you’re definitely not alone! Many people, including myself, have experienced shifts in their work life due to the Coronavirus, affectionately known as COVID-19. I, along with many other mental health providers across the nation, are now providing therapy via telehealth online platforms. Industries have had to lay off thousands of workers or cut back hours. But if you are lucky enough and still have a job you’ve likely had to transition to working from home remotely in some capacity. While working from home sounds dreamy for some, for others it’s truly nightmare worthy! Needless to say, if you’re reading this article you (or someone you know) has had to work from home. So, let’s get to it! Afterall, that’s why you clicked the article, right?…

An Essential List of 5 Work From Home Tips

1. Keep a regular schedule

This simple tip can truly pay dividends. Create a schedule for yourself that you can follow every day. Without you even realizing it, your job provides important rhythms, schedules, and routines that create a level of safety for you! Even if you hate your job, chances are you likely have to wake up, get dressed, go to work, eat lunch, work again, and then leave. Maybe once you get home you work out, make dinner, help the kids with homework, watch your Netflix… you get it. The idea here is that when we are missing those beats in our day it’s hard to stay motivated. So, as simple as it sounds, create a schedule for yourself. It can be as simple as creating three major goals for the day – maybe you can start there.

2. Get dressed like your going to work

There’s been a pretty phenomenal joke out there – “I declare 8 PM the official time to change from my AM pajamas to my PM pajamas” It’s funny because it’s relatable right now for so many people! Another funny theme of memes and jokes I’ve seen are the teleconferencing joke that people are dressing only from the chest up so maybe their clothes are mismatched (if they even chose to wear pants), they are wearing slippers, you get the drift. As funny as those seem, they can have an impact on how you feel during your day. Remember to continue to dress for the job you want (to keep in this case) and not the job you have at your disposal. This can help you maintain a healthy level of professionalism and keep you in a strong mindset. Plus, your pajamas will feel extra comfy when it’s time to binge on netflix!

3. Work in a dedicated office space and avoid using your bedroom

Ideally, you create a space that motivates you, helps you feel prepared, and puts you into work mode. I have even heard of client’s putting up office hours outside the door to help kids and other family members remember to respect that office space, room or corner like that person is not really there – they truly are in their office working!

The reason working in your bedroom is not worth it… 

It’s the whole idea of classical conditioning here. Don’t associate your resting space with stress, fast paced living, and racing thoughts about your tasks. It’s just not a good practice to get into. The Oxford dictionary defines classical conditioning as “a learning process that occurs when two stimuli are repeatedly paired: a response which is at first elicited by the second stimulus is eventually elicited by the first stimulus alone.” In other words, the more you pair you bed with hyperarousal (or a high level of energy), over time, the more likely you are to feel that same energy just by being in that same room even when you’re not working. It’s not worth it. Consider even working outside (weather permitting) on your porch, in your backyard, or by the pool. Get creative. Grab a TV tray, a folding chair and find a great corner. Boom. There’s your makeshift office. But really, you get the idea.

4. Schedule regular breaks

Our day may feel long, boring or demanding but chances are during your workday, you had to get up to ask a question, make a copy, answer a phone, or run an errand. Welcome to 2020 where our world has radically changed, and rapidly might I add, and now many of us are working from home! Those minor pesky tasks were helping you to take a break from staring at your screen and even provided a bit of social interaction you may not have at home now. It could be helpful to even set a timer every hour (or whatever amount of time you feel is good for you) to help you remember to check in to grab a snack, get some water, walk outside for a second, take a bathroom break, call a friend, grab a coffee, you name it! Just be sure to get up and move around for around 10 minutes or so. There are even some great little mini yoga videos you can find on YouTube for quick office yoga or a quick stretch.

5. Keep a positive attitude

Attitude is everything. Is the glass half empty or half full? When you focus on what you do not have, cannot control, or cannot solve, you are asking for a cocktail of negative emotions. Invite positive emotional experiences into your life as you keep your focus on what you do have, what you can control, what you can solve, and what you are thankful for. There are always going to be things we can remain grateful for even in the toughest of times. Consider keeping a gratitude journal each night. Maybe you’d like to post photos in your office space of people, places things, sayings, or other triggers for positive emotions. Where your thoughts wander your feelings and behaviors will follow – that is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy 101!

Well, thanks for joining me for a few tips on how to stay sane during this season.
Contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co if you would like to schedule a session or need help managing your stress and anxiety!

Additional Helpful resources

• Occupational Safety and Health Administration
• US Department of Labor 

About the Author

Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.

If you are a “helper” in any profession (i.e. counselor, pastor, medical provider etc.) you may have heard of the term “compassion fatigue.” The Oxford Dictionary defines this as the “indifference to charitable appeals on behalf of suffering people, experienced as a result of the frequency or number of such appeals.” In other words, you have a lot of needs that hit you at once and that happens often. Sound familiar? Well, in order to continue to enjoying your work and ignite your compassion flame you have to take care of yourself!

Here are a few tried and true ways to avoid compassion fatigue:

1. Leave work at work.

This is a huge area of struggle for helpers! We are empathetic, right? We love to help people and their stories are impactful. Be careful how much mind space you give to the things of work while you are trying to enjoy your family at home, your dinner, or even your morning/nightly routines. It’s very tempting to check emails and respond immediately even when you are on the couch watching Netflix – don’t do it. Leave work at work. You will thank me for this and so will your family!

2. Create professional boundaries.

If you say you are leaving at 5, then leave at 5. If you have lunch scheduled but then someone needs “crisis counseling” it’s okay to say you need to eat your lunch! If someone walks into your office and wants to have a talk at a horrible time, it’s okay to say “Oh wow, sounds like that would be a great conversation. Let’s plan to meet about that on (insert date/time).” The occasional wavering from your professional boundaries is fine. As a compassionate helper we all know it is our greatest temptation to continue helping at the cost of our schedules, but if you do that too often, you’re likely to burn out! Keep to your professional boundaries as closely as possible. This could also mean saying no to additional projects, conversations and activities. It is OK to walk away and not take on the entire office load of problems

3. Enjoy LOADS of self-care.

When is the last time you took time to just care for yourself? It could be in the form of a massage, a walk in a quiet park or a really fun night of video games. Self-care will really look different for each person. For ideas on how to increase your self-care, check out my article on “10 Ways to increase self-care”.

4. Create an enjoyable work environment.

This is one of my favorite things! I just adore having a nice office. I like to change out my flowers, pictures, bookshelf accessories, drink coasters and use cute file folders! I enjoy playing music in between clients and burning a little spearmint essential oil to lift myself up. You are constantly giving parts of yourself away throughout the day and creating an environment you enjoy is one way you can provide a little nourishment for yourself. If you work in a large office with a lot of people coming in and out, maybe it’s something as simple as a favorite pen, single fresh flower, a mini frame, or some aromatherapy lotion in your purse. Keep things on hand that can give back to you throughout your work hours.

5. Enjoy non-work hobbies & community events.

Hobbies can in some ways fall into self-care, but they are different in that they can include even a community in which you can get involved. For instance, if you are an artist, go out and enjoy an art class or art show. If you enjoy singing, join a local choir. If you play basketball, find some people to play with in a local league. You get the idea. The point is that you don’t just see your family and coworkers. You are starting to enjoy the company of people who don’t just want to talk about family issues or work problems. A common community that can be a great resource are churches or local spiritual groups. Get creative with this one. For some of your seasoned helpers, this might take some time to think about, but I am sure you think of something new and novel you would enjoy. And… * IF you say you have no time for this… YOU NEED THIS! Ironic isn’t it? If you have too much on your plate that you cannot even enjoy an occasional gathering on a topic you love, reevaluate your schedule.

Here’s a little sneak peak of how

I prevent compassion fatigue in my office!…

Don’t struggle alone. I would be happy to walk alongside you to heal your compassion fatigue if you need a little boost. As helpers, it’s not uncommon for you to struggle with this; you are not alone. The most important thing you can do for those you are helping is get help yourself. Not only do you model a healthy lifestyle, you will be more present and able to provide more effective care.

We would love to work with you! If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.

 

About the Author

Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.

According to the American Psychological Association about 40-50% of first time marriages in the United States end in divorce, with the divorce rate increasing in subsequent marriages. With divorce rates so high, it is likely that you or someone you know has been impacted by a divorce. Divorces can get messy when it involves just adults, but it can get even more confusing when kids and teens are involved. Not only are you managing your own feelings, you now have the reality that your adult decision is now inevitably  going to impact your child’s life in some way. Each divorce and family is unique and so of course needs will vary, but here are three simple and basic principles from Krista Smith’s divorce for teens group curriculum, “The Big D“, that I love and teach all the families I work with.  Here are three basic things to avoid during a divorce involving children:

1. Do not use your child as a messenger.
      Ex: “Tell your mom/dad…”

2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.
     Ex: “Tell me about your mom/dad’s new house, friend etc.”

3. Do not us your child as a dumping station.
     Ex: “If you only knew what your mom/dad did to me…”

Let’s take a closer look at each…

1. Do not use your child as a messenger.

I know, you probably do not want to talk to your ex-spouse if at all possible. There were probably communication issues that lead to the divorce in the first place, right? So, it can be tempting to use your child to buffer the fact that you still have life decisions to make together. Don’t do it. Remind your child that divorce is an adult problem and requires adult solutions. Making your a child a messenger can really make them feel responsible for the information and discussions that should not involve them. Even if the information does involve them, it can be comforting to a child to know that you are your ex-spouse are on the same page. This can also help curtail any triangulation (but MOM said I could… ) that your child may be doing. This change may take some practice if you’ve already used your child as a messenger. Next time a situation comes up tell your child, “I will talk with Dad about that.”

2. Do not use your child as a spy or detective for information.

It is tempting to ask your child about your ex-spouse, especially if he or she is not very open with you. But again, remember that asking your child about information regarding the life and choices of your ex-spouse can really create a lot of stress for your little one. It is not a good idea to ask a lot of specific questions. If you are dying for information, you can ask open ended questions like “What did you do this weekend with your mom?” Rather than, “Was Bryan with her this weekend?” Your children pick up on a lot more subtext than we give them credit. They may not know why it doesn’t feel right, but trust me, they can tell that there’s something else behind all your specific questions. So remember, don’t try to get the inside scoop on finances, “new friends”, schedules, jobs, plans etc. from the child. As an adult in this situation you need to speak directly to the other adult about this information, not your kiddo.

3. Do not use your child as a dumping station.

 Your child is not supposed to be your main source of support, best friend, or primary confidant. It’s tempting to begin asking your child to side with you, but it does put them at a major disadvantage in experiencing positive feelings about the other parent. Your child should be able to experience love for both parents as he or she feels comfortable; don’t get in the way of this development (even if you think your spouse is a snake!). Chances are, if you refuse to speak ill of your ex-spouse your child will be able to sort out the let downs on their own. But let your child come to these realizations. Your main function is unbiased support for your child not necessarily your ex-spouse, so don’t taint the support with confusing messages.

Remember, your child CAN remain happy and well adjusted after a divorce.
These sorts of things can increase the child’s feelings of responsibility OR make the child feel as though a choice must be made between the parents. Remember, it is not the divorce that creates life difficulties for the child in and of itself. It is the way the divorce is handled that can cause long-term negative impacts. It is possible for you and your family to undergo these transitions without severe negative impacts on your children’s emotional health.

If you or someone you know has kids and teens in need of support during a parents divorce we are here to help. If you would like to scheduled a session, feel free to contact Flourish Counseling Co. at 407-630-7529 or schedule immediately with us online at www.flourishcounseling.co.

 About the Author

Cristina Ally, LMHC, is the owner of Flourish Counseling Co. in Winter Park, Florida. She specializes in women’s issues, sexual abuse recovery and diabetic lifestyle adjustment. She has helped countless individuals and families reach optimal mental and emotional health by providing counseling and trauma resolution in the Orlando area since 2015. She is currently the President of the Mental Health Counselors of Central Florida and is a passionate advocate for mental health.